Wash it in Woolite

Somewhere, Jackie is getting ready to open a can of whoop-ass.

Here, poochie poochie

What woman could resist a man in a t-shirt bearing a cute, yet depressed-looking basset hound?

1-900-I-NEED-HELP

Look. No one cares about your age. You old geezer.

Shirts not to wear into singles bars, part 3,278

Great pickup line...

...as well as something you don't want to say right before you hit the sack with a chick.

Cincinnati weeps...

...and somewhere, Les Nessman is missing his t-shirt.

Yeah, we don't know what it means, either

All we can think of: the reminder is to take a shot of Metamucil.